Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
