Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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