I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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