No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The feeling are messing with the penis
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
