I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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