Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
