It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
