I love black thongs
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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