Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
