i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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