I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
