My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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