a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
