There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
