One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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