I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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