Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just had sex bonerless
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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