if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
