i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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