i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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