I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
