found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
