I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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