just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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