I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
