I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
