Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
