some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
