i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
