the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
