I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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