Already got asked if we're dating
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
