At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
