My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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