And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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