That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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