At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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