What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
