She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
