OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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