After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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