I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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