A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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