my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
