Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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