this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
