So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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