Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
