I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
