Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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