I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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