The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
